The day after Christmas

(disclaimer, I love children and husbands and this is meant to be funny, if you don't see the humor forgive me now and don't read)

Malls are funny places, you have junior high kids lurking around to see who is cute, families exchanging this and that and explaining why santa didn't know the proper size, kids being dragged through the aisles of discounted Christmas wrap and ornaments wondering why on earth they are not home with a babysitter and then people like me, on my lunch hour hoping to get in and get out. Now, you are probably asking youself, why on earth I would go to the mall the day after Christmas on my lunch anyway? Well, I work near there and I left my brain at the office, simple answer, right? I needed hairspray and Penney's had a major sale in their salon, then I thought I would hot lap through to see if there was something I couldn't live without. There it was, a rack of leather jackets on a serious sale. I had some Christmas money burning a hole in my new handbag, and thought I would try one on. I however did not want to take on this task in the middle aisle where they were on display so I headed for the dressing room. There blocking the door was a husband, (why on earth do women drag their husbands to the mall, it is so beyond me) She was talking a mile a minute while in the dressing room and loud enough for the whole store to hear, and he was standing in the doorway. I waited for a few mins and she finally came out wearing jeans and a red blouse, he commented how absolutely beautfil she looked, she asked if it made her _________ look..... you know the rest, then she turned a few times and stared at herself in the only full length mirror in the store, I wait some more, she goes on and on about the jeans, she goes back in the dressing room, he walks away talking on his phone and she comes racing out looking for him 'cause she kept talking and he stopped responding, HEAVEN FORBID! She is still blocking the door, I say excuse me, and step inside to try on the coat, she walks in front of me and looks in the mirror again at the red shirt and jeans, by this time I am wondering why she is so concerend, this is obviously not a high end outfit, in fact the shirt and jeans are all sale, it is not wedding attire, a formal event, or even a work outfit, in fact it is just JEANS. I finally resort to trying on the jacket in a dressing room 'cause baby, she isn't moving till he reassures her again she looks great. For the love of GOD! its just jeans. I stand in line forever with small children asking their mom's how much longer and dear old souls trying to find the exit. I purchase my new black leather jacket, some hairspray and am safely back to my car. There ought to be rulles for malls.

No children that are tired or otherwise needing love, attention or toys, leave them home with a babysitter to be spoiled rotten and to enjoy all the toys santa just delivered.
No husbands unless he is buying the clothes, and if that is the case call him from the warmth and comfort of his car as you are checking out.
Free Starbuck's or diet coke for us idiots who think they can get in and out in just one hour after a holiday
Full length mirrors somewhere besides the dressing room
and tons of checkouts girls just waiting with a smile to ask you if you found everything okay.

I am not asking for rocket science here just to be smart and enjoy. I am all about family fun but why torture those you love, I mean really. Unless you are into serious bribing what kid honestly wants to go while you try on clothes, exchange or find a gift for Grandma, and what husband in his right mind will tell you how great you look, all he is thinking about is how great you look without it, really..... okay enough ranting and raving. I do love my jacket and it was worth it all.