Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The day after Christmas

(disclaimer, I love children and husbands and this is meant to be funny, if you don't see the humor forgive me now and don't read)

Malls are funny places, you have junior high kids lurking around to see who is cute, families exchanging this and that and explaining why santa didn't know the proper size, kids being dragged through the aisles of discounted Christmas wrap and ornaments wondering why on earth they are not home with a babysitter and then people like me, on my lunch hour hoping to get in and get out. Now, you are probably asking youself, why on earth I would go to the mall the day after Christmas on my lunch anyway? Well, I work near there and I left my brain at the office, simple answer, right? I needed hairspray and Penney's had a major sale in their salon, then I thought I would hot lap through to see if there was something I couldn't live without. There it was, a rack of leather jackets on a serious sale. I had some Christmas money burning a hole in my new handbag, and thought I would try one on. I however did not want to take on this task in the middle aisle where they were on display so I headed for the dressing room. There blocking the door was a husband, (why on earth do women drag their husbands to the mall, it is so beyond me) She was talking a mile a minute while in the dressing room and loud enough for the whole store to hear, and he was standing in the doorway. I waited for a few mins and she finally came out wearing jeans and a red blouse, he commented how absolutely beautfil she looked, she asked if it made her _________ look..... you know the rest, then she turned a few times and stared at herself in the only full length mirror in the store, I wait some more, she goes on and on about the jeans, she goes back in the dressing room, he walks away talking on his phone and she comes racing out looking for him 'cause she kept talking and he stopped responding, HEAVEN FORBID! She is still blocking the door, I say excuse me, and step inside to try on the coat, she walks in front of me and looks in the mirror again at the red shirt and jeans, by this time I am wondering why she is so concerend, this is obviously not a high end outfit, in fact the shirt and jeans are all sale, it is not wedding attire, a formal event, or even a work outfit, in fact it is just JEANS. I finally resort to trying on the jacket in a dressing room 'cause baby, she isn't moving till he reassures her again she looks great. For the love of GOD! its just jeans. I stand in line forever with small children asking their mom's how much longer and dear old souls trying to find the exit. I purchase my new black leather jacket, some hairspray and am safely back to my car. There ought to be rulles for malls.

No children that are tired or otherwise needing love, attention or toys, leave them home with a babysitter to be spoiled rotten and to enjoy all the toys santa just delivered.
No husbands unless he is buying the clothes, and if that is the case call him from the warmth and comfort of his car as you are checking out.
Free Starbuck's or diet coke for us idiots who think they can get in and out in just one hour after a holiday
Full length mirrors somewhere besides the dressing room
and tons of checkouts girls just waiting with a smile to ask you if you found everything okay.

I am not asking for rocket science here just to be smart and enjoy. I am all about family fun but why torture those you love, I mean really. Unless you are into serious bribing what kid honestly wants to go while you try on clothes, exchange or find a gift for Grandma, and what husband in his right mind will tell you how great you look, all he is thinking about is how great you look without it, really..... okay enough ranting and raving. I do love my jacket and it was worth it all.


Bfun1 said...

Congrats on the jacket.....WOOHOO! Nothing quite like a new leather jacket and after Christmas sales! The people are the one reason I can't handle the crowds after or before Christmas - so many are concerned about themselves and not others!

Will you tell me one thing? Does my driver side rear tire make my VAN's *#$ look smaller?

Michelle Aiken said...

I totally understand what you are talking about. I feel like I am always the one letting people go infront of me or stopping what I am doing so someone else can go infront of me. I was going to bring my girls with me to Walmart but thought about the crowds and they were so content playing with all their new toys I called my sister to watch them. I try to only take them during slow times. I do agree, husbands should be left at home, it's like having another kid to tote around!

Kristi O said...

It only gets better! So when I purchased my hairspary, the lovely girl kept my debit card. I called when I arrived back to the office and notified them, they said that their supervisor must have it. They would call me back. So they called me back and told me it was locked up in her office. THEN, this morning I got a call, she called BofA and they told her to destroy it. First of all I don't bank at BofA, I bank in their parking lot at USBANK, secondly this is not south central LA this is just the Big Lew, she couldn't possibly have locked it up overnite so that I could pick it up, afterall I did call and let them know I was coming in. Now I am on hold for 6 minutes to order a new $%^%^*& card. It gets better and better, I think I should return the hairspray and coat, oh yeah I can't, I don't have a debit card for them to credit my money bakc and heavenforbid they wouldn't give me cask back.

Jamie said...

Ha,Ha, thanks for the laugh