Thouhts on a long weekend!

I love long weekends, its a great time to spend time with family or get some things done, for me its time to rest my mind.
Resting makes me thankful!
*We had tons of out of town customers at the store, its fun to hear their reactions and find some items they hadn't seen before.
* I was able to spend sometime with Dawn R last nite, it was so nice to catch up, she is full of life, loves Jesus and is real. It was a GREAT nite. Jean popped in a for awhile too, I am glad they enjoyed each other's company
*Speaking of Jean, she is alive! now thats something to be thankful for...
*Joe, Bren and Ang came by Saturday to hang out for awhile and Brenda helped me make a darling SPOOKY banner, I will post some pictures soon
* Today I did some dishes, cleaned the kitchen, some laundry came and went and tidy'd, up its far from perfect but its home
* Mom and I went to costco, wow, what a blessing, we found some of our favorite tortillas, fresh cut pineapple, green beans, garlic chicken, english muffins, what a great shopping trip
* Tonight I played with the dogs, the weather was so perfect, I thought for a few mins that I was back in So. cal with such a cool day. Amazing!

I was thankful today for so many things, friends and family who are fully invested in our lives, a store that is a happy place for so many, an upcoming family week at the beach, the sunshine, my funny dogs, Savan and how many families love her to babysit, our cozy home, and another day off tomorrow.
We've been invited to a potluck tomorrow and we just might make an appearance. I hope your weekend is going great and you are thankful too. I love looking forward to Fall. I need a change of season, how about you?

If I could host a party...

I was thinking today how fun it would be to host a scrapbooking party with some blogging friends. I have an abudance of amazing girls locally that I scrapbook with on a fairly consistent basis, but I read a ton of blogs and at times I think it would be fun to have some of them over for an evening of laughter and creativity....

Here is a quick list.

Angie- she keeps it real and really says things that I am thinking. I love her honest faith

Stephanie- she has more energy and ideas in her, I would love an evening to soak it in and she has an authentic faith

Sherelle- a fellow Idaho girl! I love how down to earth she is and she makes stuff I could make. She is a WAY amazing photographer

Teresa - a party wouldn't be complete without this fun loving girl!

Brandi - I don't know if she scrapbooks but she is a great mom who loves Jesus and keeps it real

Janna - creative, fun and so friendly, we met at CHA was winter and she is the nicest girl ever!!

Layle - I also met her at CHA this winter, she has rockin' great hair, she is fun and really nice

I have a longer list but this is a start, I am sure we would all be talking non stop, there would be cookies from Steph, and Sherelle, hopefully something homemade from Brandi and some really great projects. If you could host a party who would be there?

little dream weekend

I took a few hours off of work today to regroup. It was nice not running out the door at 7:40 and jetting across town. It made me thankful that I have vacation time that I can take when I need it. It was nice that the dogs came and found me and were glad there was room in bed for everyone.

I was thinking today about vacation time.. If you could go someplace this weekend, where would it be and why? Do you have a place you are longing to go and just "be?"

I am thinking that if I could take a little weekend getaway it might be Seattle. I love wandering the city, but since Jay and Kari has moved away it wouldn't be the same. I would say Boise to see Mike but I wouldn't want to come home and I hate that drive. I would think Missoula would be fun since I have friends that have recently landed there. But I am going with the Oregon Coast, just a quiet weekend on the beach, no worries, no stress, just the sounds of the waves and some family/friends. Of course James would have to be with me and we wouldn't drive we would magically arrive, afterall this is my dream weekend. Oh yeah several other friends would magically appear as well like Tami, Cori, Steph, Melissa, Erica, Laurie, Teresa C, Janna W, heck even Angie S and Brandi too, they are such cool chicks!

No more words-

"I am afraid."

I used to believe that God was all about fixing my life;

working it out for good; enabling everything to come together.

I don't not believe that, but I don't believe it the same (and simple) way I once did.

My experience in life has taught me differently.

I believe that God will be with me - meeting my needs in the moment as necessary (most often through my own abilities, understanding, and deep-down, intuitive knowledge, as well as through my relationships with others) but not necessarily working out some pre-ordained plan that assures my safety and security.

In my best moments, this isn't upsetting.

It's growth and maturity.

But most of the time - not just in adolescence - growth and maturity is painful.

And it makes me afraid.

Really?

Is God not going to swoop down and make sense of everything?

Is God not going to give me an "answer"?

Is God not going to fix it all?

Is God not going to make the plan perfectly clear - one that will assure my security,

meet all my (temporal) needs, and make me peaceful and comfortable?

I'm afraid not.

I'm afraid.

Who is this new, more complex, and un-understandable God?
If this God isn't about my happiness then what?
And ultimately, will I trust this God?

Maybe my fear is a way of calling me to acknowledge that God has shown up - awe-full, frightening and right in front of me; that I am worthy of being met by and seen by God
I am afraid. And I am deeply humbled.

What would it mean for me to more frequently consider, understand, and experience my relationship with God in a present-passive way? What if the action (or verb) I defaulted toward was one of "happening right now and to me, not because of me?" There are a number of ways this could be applied. Here are some quick examples:
Jesus prays for me - right now and not dependent on my effort, work, or worthiness.
Jesus loves me - right now and not because of my perfection.
Jesus is with me - right now and not because I'm worthy of such or have even asked.
Jesus takes care of me - right now and not dependent on my self-care, worry, or even stewardship.

Our Father
You are in the heaven of my heart
Even when it seems to be a hell;
Hallowed be your name,
May it be called upon
In the deadline stillness of my perplexed silence;
To us come your kingdom
When all abandons us;
Your will be done
Even if it kills us because it is life,
And what seems like a setting on earth
In the rising of your life in heaven;
Give us this day our daily bread—Let us ask for this also
That we never mistake ourselves for you,
Not even in the hour when you are near us,
Rather, at least by our hunger,
We notice that we are poor and our idols meager;
Free us from our guilt
And protect us during all temptation
Which is actually only one;
Not believing in you
And the incomprehensibility of your love;
But deliver us—Deliver us from ourselves,
Deliver us unto you,
Deliver us into your freedom and into your life

amen and amen

(i hope this wasn't too deep, I am just contemplative w/mike being gone its like I am shaken to the core and have to find what I hold dear)

Favorite School Supply

What is your favorite School supply?

I can't decide if its those new pencils or an organizer.....

Spooky and School- new albums too!!

don't you love new paper? these have sparkles and shimmer and fun! I am so glad to finally have some fun back to school and Halloween in stock.

What fun!

HURRY you don't want to miss you

Missing something?

I know this may sound funny to some but I really miss my husband. In all reality he has been gone since the beginning of July and its almost the 1st of Sept. I know he is in a good place, safe and working on getting well. BUT I detected an ache deep down, I miss him being near. I am thankful for the peace that comes with a break and trusting he is in the right place.. BUT it still feels weird.

It was a nice weekend, Savannah has been prepaping for school that starts tomorrow. There was tons of activity at the store with Hot August nites in town. I am glad for a new schedule and some sense of purpose that comes with school. Savannah is a senior, its unbelieveable!

What do you miss? Are you excited for school and for Fall?

Hot August Nites

Tomorrow is the day in the BIG LEW

all the cars will be out on display

Main Street is closed off

Its sure to be a great day of family fun

This print was hand painted by my friend Kevin Beeson from StreetRodArt. He is amazing artist and friend.

HOT AUGUST NITES CROP

5-midnite

Come make some new friends and be CRAFTY!

call for more info

school of life

We learn lessons. We are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day, we will be presented with opportunities to learn what we need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you think we need.

** is there recess in this school?
** is there quiet time to read and visit with friends?

As kids are getting ready to go back to school I remember how excited I was in the "day"- new clothes, new shoes, new pencils and paper. Then the first day was spent learning all the rules. When to walk, sit, talk, where to put your name on the paper, where to turn in the paper, when to eat lunch, etc. So many rules. Since I was a small child I prided myself on knowing the rules and following them. That is not to say that I did not try to outsmart them or work them to my advantage as many would say.... but I did know them inside and out. I am to this day a person that "has to know." Nothing will make my head spin faster than to learn the rules and then be told "oh no, that isn't the way that works" If you want me turn into a raging horror film character then change the rules of the game and then be snied when you tell me. This happened today. I am still smoking hot over it. I told those who are near me to just steer clear...

You see today I made a simple phone call to where my husband is this week and asked to speak to him, I was told my some little sassy "Bratz" of a girl "it wasn't phone time" After 8 days I didn't know there was "phone time" I just had a simple question regarding a legal matter but it wasn't "phone time" I asked how one would know it was "phone time" and she told me I could get a schedule when I visited, I thought "Lady, if you think for one second I am going to haul my sorry ass to your facility 200 miles so I can get a schedule you are seriously dilusional." then she told me that I could call between 5-:530pm. That was all. DUDE! I work,is she serious? I had to hang up. The rules had been changed, the 51 other times I called I must have gotten the secret handshake right 'cause I got right thru (well except for the time I had the wrong code, but thankfully after my head spun they had my husband call me back) The bad bad words that were running thru my head were ugly, and I hung up.

Here's to hoping you know the rules...

I am now going to drown my sorrows in a diet coke. Mike can take care of his own legal problems 'cause I just don't know the rules well enough to speak with him. I guess I missed that day in school

just when you thought....

do you ever feel like there are times where you learn something by having it hit you in the head? well here is what I am learning....
** people who are depressed are selfish...... (It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.) how come I was taught that being selfish was not an option and for others it is.... i wonder if when they are not depressed anymore will they still be selfish?
** no matter the intentions or effort you just can't please everyone, friend, family or foe
** just when you think you've figured out what God is doing.... you are wrong
** people's priorities are remarkably different, it doesn't make any of the people right or wrong, they are just different, for instance, one might worry endlessly about cleaning a tub or toilet while someone else might put most of their efforts on education or relationship. Its all perspective.
**i love back to school. I love new pencils, paper and notebooks, I just don't like that they cost so much
**when you think you have your job figured out and you are in a groove and getting good at it, they change it or someone makes a power play.

With all this in mind, what would I do without
GRACE : Grace can be defined as God's empowering presence in ones life enableing them to do and be what they were created to do and be.
HOPE : to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
and a truckload of friends to hang with, laugh with, and pray with...
and a store full of pretty papers, and projects just waiting to be created.
that makes me view look a little better even if I am feeling a bit beat up and weary.

oh my new....daisy buckets

you are going to love the new papers, rub-on's and stamps that just arrived!

TODAY

Its a fun day at the store

some are making Christmas cards

some are make birthday cards

there are girls laughing and chatting

You are missing out!

We will be here till midnite!

Come on in!

more letters....

Dear Nurse at new hospital: Don't mess with me, when I call to inquire about the well being of my husband don't tell me he isn't there 'cause I have the wrong code, don't tell if you have a pt there with that name you will have him call me, just tell me he is alive!

Dear social worker at new hospital: Thank you for listening to me and for filling me in on the events of the day. Thanks for recognizing that its scary having someone so sick and so far away.

Dear New doctor who I am sure has not read any of mike's medical records: today when mike called to tell me that you were changing his meds and my head spun and I spewed bile, take a deep breath and explain to me what's going on. You see I just got my husband back after a 3 week inpatient stint and they just got his meds stable- now just 48 hours into this you are prescribing an old med with tons of significant side effects. Oh and did you realize that every other drug he already takes has serious interactions with this new drug? YES I know you are the expert but I just watched a ton of experts almost kill him at the last hospital and I am trying not to have that happen again, humor me and help me understand what's going on.

Dear Taco Time drive thru girl: it does not take 6 mins to give me a diet coke, and a burrito. If you can't work the register then get help, and gosh darn it, never ever forget my ranch.

Dear nice people in the Rosauers deli, thanks for making baked chicken and great red potato's. It was just like home cooked.

Dear Orthodontist, did you realize that today the drive was 45 mins each way and you took exactly 9 mins of treatment for our daughter, was it really necessary?

Dear Psyche: you have to keep it together, no more crying at your desk, no more stomach flops. You are strong, you are a child of God, you have a ton of people praying for you and with you... you can do this, keep smiling and you will survive...

Dear God, UNCLE!

My letters

Dear Veteranarian: Thank you for taking such great care of our Duka Paduka, He is healing nicely and thanks for not charging me an arm and a leg to help his mouth. You rock

Dear family who lives in our house: When the toilet paper is nearing the end, find some more. When the sink if full of dishes, load the dishwasher and for the love of everything that is good, give the dogs some water every so often!!!

Dear Lawn mowing neighbor, thanks for transforming our lawn from the Beverly Hillbilly's to a stepford lawn, well once we trim the roses we will be ready!

Dear Mike: Get better already I want my husband back

Dear James: you bod is betraying you, I think we need a trip to see Erica's to heal up

Dear Polly and Manda: Thanks for loving Savanny as much as we do

Dear Mom: you rock, thanks for rescuing my sorry hinny everyday and making me smile.

Dear Savannah: get your license! enough already!

Dear Tami Sue: thank you for taking care of the store Friday and cleaning and making it look pretty, you were missed this summer!

Dear Work friends, church friends, and Scrapbook friends, thanks for holding my head up, letting me cry on your shoulder everyay, for listening and praying for offering advice and for smiling when you didn't know what to do, I couldn't have made it without you all.

Dear Cindy from Pullman, Michelle B, April M, Cori S, and Cory L thank you, you each touched me by listening and loving and being you.

Dear Creativity: Could you please, please, PLEASE get your act together? I’m dying here. I mean, I know that you do your best, I haven't made anything in so long and its time!!!

can I get an amen?

You know how I try really hard on my blog to be thankful? Or to bring to mind the positive? Well you know how there are seasons where there are alligators niping are you ankles and when you talk on the phone its like you are speaking chinese and they are speaking in rely greek and you don't know either?

That was my day! I have to laugh. I know I know the right thing is to pray for these souls and to ask God for grace. But in reality I want to get little dolls all lined up on my desk and a good healthy supply of pins for poking.

This week high on my list is my health insurance company case manager who tells she will call me back and never does, the 3rd party administrator who approves mental health benefits, most people I have interacted with at a hospital with the exception the parking attendants and the candy stripers. WOW thats a lot of people, I need more pins.

What about you? Thankful or plotting? just thought i would see how much room I need in my boat. I know one friend who would like to stage a real life Law and Order scene on her boss, one girl who is wading thru the swamps of a new home purchase and the mortgage/appraisal/home inspection folks are like little piranha's at her feet, and a few friends who are building homes but they are so stinkin' happy go lucky they probably won't complain already.

PS I forgot to mention the "snitch" at work who decided that I spent too much on the phone, "ring ring" Hello someone tell her I do outgoing customer service and its my job!" I will need some special kind of thank you for her.....

August 10th -National Lazy Day

Random fact I ran into today while watching the olympics, and surfing blogs, today is Lazy day. Fun. I did sleep in a bit, but it was planned, Savanny is doing laundry but not too much. Mike is hanging and the dogs are around. I love watching the olympics its exciting to find someone to root for.

I was thinking today about blogging, I use this place as a sounding board, a place to talk things out or for the store, to celebrate someone's life or accomplishment and to seek comfort. Why do you blog? Are their things that are off limits on blogging? I am thinking of separtating this blog from the store blog. Making a whole new one devoted to crafting, stamping, scrapping and paper fun. Keeping one that is more about family, life and stuff. What do you think? Tell me what blogs mean to you!

Summer

Today is rained. Big drops, it was fun, I like summer rain it reminds me that God is in control. We think of summer as HOT, long days with swimming or boating, or staying inside where its cool. Today I wished that I could have ran out in the rain and played! But instead I worked away and watched from my window.

I was thinking today about what summer looks like to so many. We aren't travelling this summer or going on a vacation like so many families. Instead we are working on much greater things. But there is something to be sad for an escape, something for a long day at a lake or near a river with just nature, or kids laughing in the distance as they splash. Cori and Tami recently spent a week in Idaho near a river, fishing and playing and riding 4-wheeelers. Some of my friends camp every weekend or spend time on their boats. What do you do for fun? How do you escape? I would love to see a project, card, or layout demonstrating how you enjoy summer. You can bring it into the store or upload it to your blog, or email me a pic and I will pick a winner! Someone will win a fun prize just for playing along!

Did you know today was 08-08-08, I remember that 08-08-1988 we had a black and white crazy 8s party. Today I worked on just staying awake, my how times have changed! To be young and free again, WOW!

(Mike is home, we are in transition and praying God would order our steps. We know that its going to take a tremendous amount of work on God's part for Mike to be well, and also some painful work for Mike to walk thru therapy, treatment or whatever he needs to do to gain control of his mind. In the meantime we try to live life. Whatever that means.) I am dreaming of a dock, a lake with a shallow beach and a good book with some friends closeby, but its not looking like that this weekend.

Thursday and Friday

Amanda is working tomorrow at the store

and Tami on Friday. You have to go and check out the new lines from PIGGY TALES. If you have boys you are going to love this!!!!!

Thanks for all your love and support about Mike and his hospitalization. We have a family meeting tomorrow at the hospital. We need wisdom and peace. Its been almost a month of twists and turns.

For today.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible." Ruth Bell Graham.

If you have known me for very long you know that I am horribly stubborn! I do not give up easily. Well I think I came to the place very unwillingly and unknowingly had to give up the idea that I could do anything to help Mike get well.

"Depression is the inability to construct a future”
I can't convince Mike the future looks bright when he keeps his eyes closed

“A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work" I can't convince Mike that he just needs to do some work but his body is screaming sleep

"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."
I wish I could stop his mind/thoughts from spinning so fast. But I CAN'T!

Maybe this is what depression is live. "That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key"

Its all so contrary to what I know and believe.....
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It was all I could do to make it thru my 8-5 job. I did it with a lot of help from my friends. I then made a decision. I came home, got in bed with the covers over my head with the dogs. And that is where I stayed.

Mike and the weekend update

I took 2 hours off this morning to let my mind rest. I returned home about 11pm last nite from Spokane.
Here's the readers digest of the weekend:
1:45am Mike codes on 6C at Sacred Heart and is taken to the ER
3:15 I provide a medical history to the ER to help find out why he coded
4:15 he is resting and breathing on his own
6:15 nurse said he is resting and still breathing well
8:00 to the ICU
10:00 to the CCU unit
All this time I am helping with a yard sale at the store
Too many tests later Mike tells me he has been run over by not 1 semi truck but 2!
Tons of blood work and vitals he is stable
Sundaty he is laughing and joking with me, he showered and shaved and looked half way normal again. It was nice. I was told at 10:15 he was going to be transferred back to the psych unit.
5:20pm still no change. We enjoyed the afternoon watching tv, visiting and hanging out. It was nice. We walked to the hospital coffee bar and had mochas.
5:40 he was taken to the psych unit, his smile disappeared, he turned from mostly normal to hopeless and distraught, he was anxious and sad. We thought he was going to the open unit and he instead was taken back to the acute unit. In the acute unit there is not stimulation and mike does not do well in that. I had been waiting all day to speak with the psych, I was told he was already gone for the day, I insisted on seeing/speaking with him, the nurses continued to tell me that it wasn't possible and I continued to tell her that I was going too. The doctor agreed to come and see us. We met and determined Mike did need more stimulation and he could go to the open unit. If there wasn't a bed he could visit over there and then just sleep in the acute. It took a few more hours, a few more misunderstandings, etc by 8pm Mike's back hurt so bad, he was beyond frustrated and done. Just done dealing with nurses and waking up in different hospital beds.

This morning I have checked on him he didn't sleep but he did eat breakfast. I was able to talk with the nurse and once they look at discharges then they will see when he can move. I am holding her to this. He knows that in order to get well/come home he has to be in the open unit where there is therapy, etc.

The internist did tell us that Mike coded because they over medicated him with hypertension meds. Also a combination of being dehydrated and too many meds almost killed him. NICE

Needless to say our medical journey has tons of twists and turns that are unexpected and at times scary. I am trying to just look for the things that remind me God is still in control.

who knew?

Just a quick update. I am in Spokane, I spent the day with Mike. He is currently on a cardiac floor at Sacred Heart. He is doing pretty well. He is much less confused and seems to be recovering from his unknown weird episode Friday nite.

I tried to find a hotel for 90 mins and had no luck, I had waited too long to use priceline or hotels.com finally after making over 20 phone calls I called The Davenport in desperation and they had a room. They even gave me a Sacred Heart Rate. After not sleeping since 2am I am ready to crash. I will update more tomorrow. I am sooo thankful GOD provided me a place to lay my head and rest.