Monday, August 4, 2008

For today.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible." Ruth Bell Graham.

If you have known me for very long you know that I am horribly stubborn! I do not give up easily. Well I think I came to the place very unwillingly and unknowingly had to give up the idea that I could do anything to help Mike get well.

"Depression is the inability to construct a future”
I can't convince Mike the future looks bright when he keeps his eyes closed

“A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work" I can't convince Mike that he just needs to do some work but his body is screaming sleep

"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."
I wish I could stop his mind/thoughts from spinning so fast. But I CAN'T!

Maybe this is what depression is live. "That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key"

Its all so contrary to what I know and believe.....
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It was all I could do to make it thru my 8-5 job. I did it with a lot of help from my friends. I then made a decision. I came home, got in bed with the covers over my head with the dogs. And that is where I stayed.

3 comments:

Karen said...

Kristi, you have been in my thoughts this past week. Your willingness to share this with "us" is helping me hang on to some hope that I can get my loved one help. I am going through a very hard time with a family member who won't let me help them and won't get help for severe depression. I understand the helplessness you feel; the anger and the frustration. Karen

Marquez said...

Kristi: I feel for both you and your sweetie. As you and your mom know, I've struggled with depression most all my life and taken many different meds to try to control it. It is, as one of your quotes says, a fog or a cage. But just as cages of depression enclose, so do the arms of loved ones and all those who care. The depressed don't always acknowledge it, but realize that he knows you are a blessing. My love to you both. Take care and let me know if there's anything I can do. Peace be with you!--Wendy (am using the summer camp computer, so...ignore the "Marquez" reference :))

Irritable Mother said...

Wow. You are going through so much.
I pray in the midst of it you will feel the loving arms of our Lord wrapped around you, carrying you, and bringing you comfort.
Lord, You know Kristi and Mike's situation. You know the barriers which need to be broken down for Mike's healing. You know the situation looks impossible from our perspective.
But I know nothing is impossible with You. Father, please speak hope and peace and love and confidence and comfort to Kristi today. Please provide the break-through Mike needs. Please show them both your faithfulness and your power!
Amen and amen.